Summary:
I have to admit, I wrote this piece about 10 years ago. It’s
actually a bit silly—meant to be humorous—and I’m not sure it really belongs on
The Religious Humanist blog, but then again, it is about food rituals. I’ve been
thinking for some time about a religious humanist perspective on food rituals,
as, for example, the Jewish dietary rules. This is not that. This is just for
fun. I hope you enjoy it, but I hope it may also get you to begin thinking
about how food works as a ritual—religious or otherwise.
Diets are back—with a vengeance. It used to be simple. We
only had to keep track of a few things: calories, fat, cholesterol. Now, we are
all veritable chemical laboratories. I have two friends, both of whom have
diagnosed themselves with a form of hypoglycemia that is undetectable by
medical science. In fact, that’s how they know they have it—because the doctors
haven’t detected it.
One friend told me he knows he has this condition because
he’s experienced mood swings after eight months of unemployment. So he went on
a special diet, got a job and is feeling much better. He can’t eat
wheat—something about the carbs in wheat tuning into sugar. He can eat other
grains, just not wheat, but he can’t eat corn syrup. We went out to eat at a
restaurant once. He could have the tofu dog without the bun, but he couldn’t
have the barbecue sauce that it was cooked in because that had corn syrup. Pheeew.
What an ordeal. I’m sure the server
breathed a sigh of relief when we left.
Another friend is on the Atkins diet because he was having
trouble loosing weight. The Atkins diet is my dream diet—all fat. Eggs, cheese,
fatty meats. You thought they were out? Nope! Eat all you want. Just don’t eat
anything else. When I die and go to heaven, I want to be put on the Atkins
diet.
Don’t laugh! Even as venerable a publication as the New
York Times Magazine is taking a new look at the Atkins diet. You see, when
you eat carbohydrates, your insulin level goes up and your body burns the
carbohydrates, not the fat. Deprive your body of carbohydrates and your body
will burn fat. After all, our bodies are very finely tuned repositories of
salts and sugars, electrolytes, enzymes and amino acids—all of which have to be
very carefully calibrated. I feel like maybe I should start carrying around a
few test tubes, a petrie dish and a portable Bunsen burner.
But I shouldn’t make fun. I’m also on a very strict diet. My
diet’s different than all of these diets. It’s called kashrut, aka keeping kosher. It’s not a diet for the body, but a
diet for the neshoma. What’s a neshoma?
The Torah tells us that when God created humans, God took a lump of earth (adamah)
and fashioned a little earthling (adam), but the earthling was still
just a lump until God breathed into it the neshoma of life and it became
a living being. My life force is God’s breath, God’s neshoma. The Siddur, the Jewish Prayer Book, tells me
that when I pray, that neshoma in me reaches back to God, its source, in
the form of prayer. Without that neshoma, I can’t reach God. So I really
want to take good care of my neshoma.
Now, this neshoma is very delicate and must be very
carefully nurtured and nourished. You can’t just feed it anything, or you might
damage it—I guess kinda like what cholesterol does to your arteries, or alcohol
does to your liver. Fortunately, God has given me very careful discharge
instructions—what I can and can’t eat. I can eat all the wheat I want. In fact,
I can eat all the fat I want, but I wouldn’t for health reasons, of course.
But—and this is really important—I can only eat the meat of certain animals:
the nice peaceful kind of animals that have cleft hooves and sit around all day
chewing their cuds. No vicious lions and tigers and bears for me, O My! Maybe
it’s because you are what you eat. If I let that viciousness in, it might
attack my neshoma and destroy or damage it.
I can eat fish, but only normal fish—you know, the kind that
have fins and scales. I can’t eat those weird fish that aren’t really fish at
all, like crustaceans that live in water but walk with legs and look more like
big bugs than fish. It’s just too weird—kinda like eating a spider or a cockroach.
Also very important: I can’t eat blood. That’s because blood
is the essence of life. The Torah tells us that the nefesh (another word
for neshoma) of the flesh of the animal is in the blood. When the Temple
stood, we would spill the blood against the altar in the Temple. That is, we
would return the nefesh, the neshomah, the life force of the
animal back to God, the source of the life force. I wouldn’t want the nefesh
of the animal getting mixed up with my nefesh. It could cause a serious, even spiritually
fatal nefesh imbalance.
One more thing: when I eat, I can’t mix any dairy product
with the flesh of birds or mammals. I’m not quite sure why this is. The Torah
simply tells us not to cook a kid (a baby goat, not a child—that’s forbidden
under any circumstances) in its mother’s milk. From this, our sages have
devised the system of keeping milk and meat separate. I even have separate pots
and pans, dishes and utensils. What’s most perplexing is why it applies to chicken
and turkey. I’m hardly going to boil a baby chick in its mother’s milk. Eating
a chicken and an egg is okay, though I still don’t know which came first. So
what gives?
The way I see it, milk is a symbol of life. Baby’s feed on
it before they eat anything else, and there’s nothing quite so peaceful and
reassuring as watching your child feed at her mother’s breast. Animals give us
this milk willingly, without a big fuss, with no threat to them or to
us—peacefully, symbiotically. Meat, on the other hand, is a symbol of death. In
fact, it is death. The Torah tells us that humans were not originally meant to
eat meat. In gan eden (the Garden of Eden), we were vegans. It was only
after the vicious nature of humans was discovered in the days of Noah that humans
were granted permission to eat meat. I don’t want life and death struggling
inside me, so I keep these things separate.
So I highly recommend the kosher diet for those seeking to
boost their neshomas. Some people think it’s hard, but it’s really not.
When you shop, the labeling on the packages is pretty clear, and there are lots
of kosher varieties. Kosher restaurants are sure shots, though, frankly,
they’re usually not very good. I’ve found some truly fabulous Chinese vegan
restaurants—no milk, no meat, like in the Garden of Eden. Otherwise, you might
just ask a question or two, far fewer than my hypoglycemic friend. Just make
sure the marinara sauce is really marinara. “Hey Joe, is there any meat in the
sauce?” “Nope!”
Bete’avon! Or,
as we say in French, Bon appetite!!
Thanks for your information. It's very useful for me. I can get more knowledge about diet and healthy. Waitting for your new articles.
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